Monday, December 16, 2019

Twelve Worst Songs of Christmas

We are not amused.

It's that time of year again. Time to release der Alte Fritz's annual list of the twelve worst Christmas songs ever imaginable (at least to Fritz).

This year, we have a guest provider the dastardly dozen songs: my daughter Lelia Jane (better known as the world's reigning and undefeated champion of the Teddy Bear Wars).

The 2019 Guest List Judge

So without further ado, here is Lelia's list:

The Twelve Worst Christmas Songs - by Lelia Jane

1)  All I Want For Christmas Is You  - Mariah Carey

2)  Last Christmas (I Gave You My Love) - Wham!

3)  Dominick the Donkey

4)  I Want A Hippopotumus For Christmas

5)  Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt

6)  Have A Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives

7)  Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms

8)  Rocking Around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

9)  Santa Baby (again) - Taylor Swift

10) Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer

11)  I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - The Jackson Five

12)  Blue Christmas - Elvis

Some analysis by der Alte Fritz:

Some of these songs are on the "Worst" list because they are played over and over and over and over again on the radio. Others are just plain bad. None of them are caroling songs. Most of you younger boys and girls who follow my blog probably have no idea of what Christmas carols are or what carolers are. The first are only played on Christmas Eve and the second disappeared during my childhood, back in the Dark Ages. People used to gather at someone's house and go door to door singing Christmas carols.

Listening to "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" 2000 times in one day will do this to you.

This year I have taken the sensible approach and refuse to play the 24-hour Christmas music station. As a result, I don't have to listen to the wailing of Mariah or the mind numbing lyrics of Have a Holly Jolly Christmas after hearing it for the two-thousandth time in one day.

You can compare Lelia Jane's list to my list from 2018:

Last Year's Dirty Dozen List

Der Alte Fritz and Family present the Dirty Dozen list of Christmas songs every year as a public service to our readers. Avoid listening to theses songs at all cost.


  1. Here in New Mexico, we would have to bump one of those for Feliz Navidad. The stations play it here until your ears bleed.

  2. I generally agree with the listed, but I do like Wham's "Last Christmas"; I would replace it with a godawful nugget from Disney (who else?), title unknown, which starts off "Kris, Kris Kringle, with his tingalingalingle", sung (I think) by whoever did the voice for Jiminy Cricket. Whenever I'm driving this time of year I try to keep the radio off, inasmuch as if this classic is broadcast it could lead to crashing my car into a bridge abutment--it's hard for me to drive safely while bashing my head into the dashboard to make the agony stop. So naturally my two adult sons do their best to find it playing on some station and turn the volume up--apparently they feel the hilarity is worth the risk to their health.

    Season's Greetings from a broken man,


  3. Jim, you clearly haven't listened to the awful "Celsetial" album from Rob Halford (leader singer of Judas Priest who seems to insist on making Christmas albums that get worse with each version - and this one is ear bleedingly bad).

  4. The are 'good' Christmas songs? Apart from 'Snoopy's Christmas' I mean?

  5. Elvis, Elvis, there's no such thing as a bad Elvis song! Mariah Carey at No1, gotta agree there though.

  6. I would agree with most of these, but must confess a soft spot for the Hippopotomus song.

  7. Christmas Songs? Whatever next? Bah! Humbug Mr Purkey! Of course the best ever Christmas song is Slade's Merry Christmas Everybody

  8. i've never understood why Baby its cold out side gets all the hate but no one compains about santa baby.

    1. That is a very good point, one that I hadn't considered.

  9. Next year, I think you should try for a worst 100!
    I am sure you will still have plenty of dross that you cannot fit in!!!