The Return of the Teddy Bear Wars

 

The festivities begin with the traditional toast with Diet Coke

Yesterday, on Boxing Day, Der Alte Fritz and Lady Emma Cuddlestone-Smythe (a nom du plume) convened at the dining room table to fight the sixth game of our sort of annual Teddy Bear Wars. We have been playing Teddy Bear war games going back to 2007 and Lady Emma is undefeated, so far, at 5 wins and 0 losses.

This year's game is aptly called "The Massacre at Bear Hollow" because You Know Who was virtually wiped out to a bear by Lady Emma's army of Brown Bears. Thus her record is not 6-0. I assure you that I did not let her win the game this time. Sound tactics and superb dice rolling led to Lady Emma's victory.

This is becoming a bit of an annual thing. I am doing worse than the Chicago Bears football team, and that's hard to do these days.

Our tale starts with the Brown Bears (in pink uniforms) and the Black Bears (in light blue uniforms) reacting to news that a huge load of chocolate coins have been deposited in the local bank: The First National Bank of Bear Hollow. Both sides were tasked with marching to the bank and "withdrawing" chocolate coins from the bank before the other side could get them.

The Bears are armed with cork pop guns so I can report that no Bears were hurt during the course of this game. If a Bear were hit, then it rolled a saving roll and needed a "6" to stay in the game. The corks in the pop guns merely put the target Bear to sleep for awhile.

Lady Cuddlestone-Smythe is eager and ready to defend her championship title.

Der Alte Fritz doesn't look like he is ready for his afternoon nap.
This could be a problem.

A view of the Bank and its deposits of gold chocolate coins.

Lady Emma's troops enter the table in road column.

My Blue Army marches smartly onto the village commons in two columns.

My Blue Bears change formation from column into line, showing their fine training and expertise.
The Bank is on the right flank of the Blue Army so they have the early advantage with their control of the Bank.

Lady Emma orders her Pink Army to double time into the village
 so that they can occupy the  Inn and take cover.

The Pink Army Bears fortify the Inn and draw a bead on the advancing Blue Bears.

The two sides deploy into line formation before they close into pop gun range.

Who will draw the first card and gain the first fire at close range?
The Blue Bears start loading gold coins onto wagons so that they can bring the sweets back to their camp.
The advantage appears to be in the Blue Bears' favor.

Was the initiative ever in doubt? The Pink Bears draw first blood as 9 Blue Bears are pegged.

Finger pistols at short range

The Pink Bears fire off a second volley before the Blue Bears can fully recover from the first round of shooting.

Well that wasn't supposed to happen. Der Alte Fritz looks concerned
after watching the devastating effects of the Pink Bears' pop guns.

Lady Emma shows no mercy as her lads give the Blue Bears a face full of cork at short range.

The Blue Bears' losses are too great. They begin to fall back out of pop gun range.
The Pink Bears capture the Bank along with the Blue Bears' fully loaded wagon of gold coins.

The Pink Bears capture the Blue Bear wagon

The Pink Bears press their advantage and chase after the Blue Bears.

Lady Emma's army drives away with a wagon train full of gold chocolate coins.

V is for Victory and Lady Emma Cuddlestone-Smythe continues her winning streak over Der Alte Fritz.

So once again, Lady Emma is the winner of the Teddy Bear War Game. I must state that I did not let her win. She did it all on her own by combining skillful strategy (occupying the fortified Inn) and deadly pop gun fire. Early in the game it looked like the Blue Bears were going to have an easy time of it as they captured the Bank, but once the firing began, the Pink Bears mowed down the Blue Bears and turned it into a massacre of the Blues, alas.

How To Roll Your Dice Tutorial

 

Der Alte Fritz (left) and Lady Emma Cuddlestone-Smythe (right)

So you think that you are an old hand at rolling dice in a game? Here is a breakdown of how it is done, curtesy of Lady Emma Cuddlestone-Smythe. The pictures are from our annual Christmas Holiday Teddy Bear Game, which we played yesterday on Boxing Day. Lady Cuddlestone-Smythe walks us through the six steps of dice rolling. You can employ this tutorial to improve your dice rolling and amaze your friends with the results.

Step One - The Shake. 

Lady Emma employs the lesser known Left Over Right Hand shake of the dice. While the Right Over Left is more commonly used on the game table, the Left Over Right produces more top spin.

The Shake

Step Two - The Toss

Here Lady Emma demonstrates the popular Oriental Fan dice toss method. Notice how easily she transitions from The Shake into the Fan by bringing her hands downward and then fanning her hands to the right and left, sort of like opening a fan. This causes her dice to reach maximum throwing speed which increases the spin rate on the dice. A higher spin rate improves the chances of the die pips turning up Box Cars (6s).

The Toss

Step Three - The Reckoning

Lady Emma transitions effortlessly from the Toss and back into her starting position where she can begin her Reckoning move, that is, initiating the counting of the successful dice rolls. In this instance, she is spotting pips of 5 and 6 to score a hit.

The Reckoning

Step Four - Finger Pistols

Once the tally from The Reckoning is made, Lady Emma pulls out finger pistols to signify the casualties that have occurred on the table top. Some players may prefer to use the Double Finger Pistols move and shout "Bam" "Bam" . Lady Emma is shown demonstrating the rapid fire Single Finger Pistol method.

Finger Pistols

Step Five - The Knock Out

The Knock Out step involves the knocking over the opponents casualties on the table top. Note the cheerful countenance of Lady Emma that she employs to make her opponent feel at ease. Lady Emma is demonstrating the Finger Flick Knock Out method which adds more flair to the procedure. It is also acceptable to use the Push Over or the Pick Up Off The Table ("PUOTT") methods during the Knock Out phase of the turn. We caution against the use of the PUOTT method because the opponent may prefer to remove his own figures. On the other hand, the Finger Flick method establishes psychological dominance over the opponent, which leads to demoralization and poorer performance in the war game.

The Knock Out

Step Six - "V" for Victory

Lady Emma demonstrates the Right Handed Vee signal. She notes that the advantage of using this method over other methods of displaying victory is that she can rapidly move from Finger Pistols to Victory Formation all in one motion.

The Victory Formation

Well there you have it. We all tend to take Dice Rolling for granted and assume that any old method will work on the game table. That is not the case in competitive tournaments where the player needs to gain the slightest edge in order to win, legally I would add.

Try working through the Six Step of dice rolling on your own at home or at the office (during your lunch break, of course, and not on company time). With hard practice and dedication to your craft, you too can become as good of a dice roller as Lady Emma Cuddlestone-Smythe. 

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Battle of the Bears

Der Alte Fritz & Lady Emma Cuddleston-Smythe resume their Teddy Bear Wars.
(click on all pictures to enlarge the view)

Yesterday Lady Emma Cuddleston-Smythe and Der Alte Fritz met on the field of the kitchen table in a battle of wits and dice. I leave it to you to decide who had the advantage in those categories. Lady Emma issued a challenge to Der Alte Fritz to resume the Great Teddy Bear Wars, which were last fought in 2011, so we both decided that it was time to renew the table top tilt.

General Fritz went into the battle with an abominal record of zero wins and four losses, so he hoped that in the intervening years he might have improved his generalship, or at the least, have better luck with the dice.

Basic Game Rules

We created some simple rules off the top of my head to use in the game. Movement was 6-inches in line formation and 12-inches in column or skirmish order. Pop-gun range (this is the weapon that the bears were armed with) was 6-inches. To fire, take the number of bears firing in up to two ranks deep and roll one D6 for each figure. Hits are scored on a roll of a natural six (i.e. "box cars"). Any other number of pips on the D6 is a miss. It is important to note to any kiddies that the bears that are hit are not killed, but rather, they are going into hibernation when hit by a popgun cork.

We also rolled an initiative dice (D6) to see who moves first. All firing is done simultaneously.

Game Background

The quiet little village of Honey Hollow happens to be the home of the First National Bank of M&Ms, also known as The Gingerbread Bank. Knowing that the Bank is an attractive target for certain bears who have a sweet tooth, General Blackford (Blackie) Oakes has been given the assignment of defending and protecting the village and the Bank from maurading Brown Bears.

Black Bear Objectives

The Black Bears are defending the Bank and their objective is to stop the Brown Bears from either capturing the Gingerbread Bank or stealing a majority of the M&Ms candies that are laying on the ground all over the town. Since there are 40 M&Ms on the ground, the Brown Bears must not be allowed to capture any more than 20 of the M&M pieces.

Brown Bear Objectives

The Brown Bears, led by Lady Emma Cuddleston-Smythe, are hungry and need a little bit more of candy before they go into Winter hibernation. Scouts have informed Her Ladyship that the Gingerbread Bank has recently received a new stock of the precious (and highly edible) M&Ms. The Brown Bears must either capture the Gingerbread Bank or pick up a majority (21 pieces) of M&Ms that are scattered all around the village of Honey Hollow.

Game Objectives: The Brown Bears are attacking the village because they have heard that the First National M&M Bank is chock full of M&M candies. Their objective is to capture as many M&Ms as they can and haul them away to safety. 

Victory Points: 

Victory points will be determined by the number of M&Ms that each side has captured.

Lady Emma Cuddleston-Smythe (the "Good Guys") surveys the tabletop and holds a bag of the victory points (M&Ms)

The Game Report
The Brown Bears entered the village of Honey Hollow from the east end of the table and marched towards the Gingerbread Bank at the end of the Main Street.

A view of the tabletop along Main Street.

Lady Emma moves her Brown Bears on Turn One.

The Black Bears divided their forces into two companies of 12 figures. The first company deployed in the middle of Main Street and awaited the advance of the Brown Bears. The second company of Black Bears was distributed around town in penny-packets, with at least 6 bears defending the gates of the Gingerbread Bank.

Lady Emma orders her two columns of marching bears to redeploy into two companies in
line formation so as to have the maximum number of popguns to "bear" on the Black Bears.

Lady Emma orders her Brown Bears to change formation, from column to line, and they quickly maneuver to outflank the Black Bears and have more popguns to fire than the Black Bears have.

Blackie Oakes leads his advance guard of 15 Black Bears down Main Street to  delay the advance of the Brown Bears. However, Lady Emma turns the tables on Oakes by maneuvering to outflank the Black Bears.

The first firefight of the game ensues and 5 Black Bears are hit compared to only 2  Brown Bears.

The Brown Bears continue their attack down Main Street with the Gingerbread Bank in sight.

The first firefight ends with 5 Black Bears hit and only 2 Brown Bears hit. Meanwhile, small detachments of Brown Bears forage for M&Ms that are laying on the ground. When they reach an M&M they may carry two of them back to the supply wagon (the crystal glass). Once they reach the glass, it takes a full turn to put the M&Ms into the glass. Then they can return to action.

"Daddy, we are creaming your army." exclaimed Lady Emma.

The Black Bears fall back and call in their foragers in order to strengthen their firing line with more popguns.

The Black Bears, in blue coats, are still outnumbered by the Brown Bears in pink coats.

Lady Emma Cuddleston-Smythe is pleased with the results of the game so far.

The next phase of the game

Black Bears Advance, but are still outnumbered.

Another firefight, and three more Black Bears go down compared to two Brown Bears. Foragers can be seen in the upper righthand corner.

The final phase of the game finds General Blackie Oakes realizing that he is losing, so he calls in all of his remaining Black Bears and makes a forlorn hope charge up Main Street towards the Brown Bears.

The Black Bears' Forlorn Hope.

For the Black Bears, everything now rides on the roll of the dice. They have ten D6 to roll so they think that the odds are good that they will send some Brown Bears into hibernation. We need lots of Sixes!

Der Alte Fritz gathers up all of his dice for one final throw. Everything depends on him rolling lots of boxcars. He, he, he.

Gasp! Oh the horror and futility of DAF's dice roll. Only one hit.

Oh God, we need some Sixes!

Gahhh! Only one Six out of ten dice thrown. Sauve qui peu!!!!

Lady Emma appreciates the futility of her Daddy's dice rolling.

Der Alte Fritz sees that the jig is up and he offers to surrender.

Lady Emma gives the victory signal, indicating that the game is over.

And so once again, the Brown Bears won a victory over the hapless Brown Bear army. Some would say that Daddy let his little princess win the game, but I can assure you that no quarter was asked, nor any given by Lady Emma. Her superior tactic of outflanking the Black Bears and bringing more firepower to "bear", coupled with exceptionally good dice rolling, proved to be the difference.

Der Alte Fritz's record of wins and losses is now 0-5. He will be banished from the Premier League. However, he has asked for a rematch after Christmas Day so stay tuned for another round of the Great Teddy Bear Wars.

The Return of the Teddy Bear Wars

The Brown Bears versus the Black Bears. The objective of the game is to capture the most M&Ms candies.

You asked for it, you want it, so you're going to get it - The Teddy Bear Wars are coming back! The epic battles between Lady Emma Cuddleston-Smythe and Der Alte Fritz will continue after a few year's hiatus. Methinks that Lady Cuddleston-Smythe recognizes a good mark when she sees one (that would be me, don't you know).

Lady Emma ("the good guys") and Der Alte Fritz ("the bad guys") will be playing our next game tomorrow, Friday and a game report will be posted afterwords. In the meantime, here are some pictures from our past games from 2007 to 2011:

Lady Emma in 2017

Lady Emma Cuddleston-Smythe at the 2011 game.

Our 2009 game.

Our 2008 game.

Our very first Teddy Bear Wars game in 2007

Der Alte Fritz has a losing record of 0-4 in wins/losses and has proven to not be the tactical strategist that Lady Emma is. Maybe I will prevail for once, but I doubt it.